May 10, 2013 By Marie in Air Force, Army, Author:Marie, Carrier, Coast Gaurd, Deployment, Diver, Everyday Life, Family, Fast Attack, Friendship, Homecoming, Marines, Military, Military Husband, Military Spouse, Military Wife, Navy, SSBN, SSGN, Submarine, Surface Ship Tags: Appreciation Day, May 10th 2013, Military Husband, Military Spouse, military wife, Milspouse
My 10-year-old daughter, Makayla came rushing down the stairs and quickly opened our front door to the cold night air. “What are you doing, Kay?” I asked. “I’m setting a moth free.” I watched as she carefully and delicately opened her hand and told the little moth, “It’s ok, you are safe, you are free now. . .go find your family.” The moth fluttered away. Kay smiled, closed the door, and ran back up the stairs where she was reading. I started crying.
I’ve tried not to let my thoughts go there. I haven’t been watching the news. I can’t. The thoughts are enough to bring any mother to her knees. I sat down with both of my children and talked to them about what happened in CT this week. I knew they were going to hear about it whether I wanted them to our not. They took the news with heavy hearts. We talked about the Christmas present that would be left unopened, how unimportant a fight was with a sibling earlier that day, and the thought of never being able to see one another again. They hugged each other a little harder today.
The next part of our conversation was about the shooter. We talked about his age and what he did. My son (14) was quick to say in the defense of the shooter, “There must have been something wrong with him.” I explained that we don’t know if there was or wasn’t. My daughter (10) chimes in, “People said he was evil.” My mind whirls with how monstrous this act was. How could anyone do this!? But, my heart that felt like a ten pound weight in my chest wouldn’t let the words come out. I explained that we did not walk in his shoes and we are not going to refer to him as, “evil.” His actions were horrific; unimaginably horrific. But, we cannot hate him. Nothing good stems from the feeling of hatred. He is a human being, just like the lives he took and we don’t have the position to judge him. My children understood, but both looked at me with large eyes and asked, how/why did this happen. I softly explained that they will hear many reasons in time, but we may never really know. Sometimes terrible things happen and we don’t get to know why. They hugged me and went upstairs to play together. A few minutes later, I hear laughter and I cried again. There are houses tonight that will not hear that sound. There are siblings gone, forever.
It is our job to do better. It is our responsibility as parents to educate ourselves, our children, and be present in their lives and in this world. There is nothing I can say to make anyone feel better about today and the children (and adults) that were taken from our world. Nothing.
Yesterday my husband calls very chipper from his office and says, “Hey! Do you want to play on an indoor soccer team with me and Zach (our 14-year-old Goalie)”? A few things quickly went through my mind. 1) I don’t play soccer. 2) I don’t know how to play soccer. 3) He must be asking because they are desperate to find women for the team. 4) Zach loves to play with his Dad, but his MOM!?!?
Within seconds and without much hesitation I replied, “Sure, why not!?” My husband in shock says, “Really?? You’ll play??” (He’s been trying to talk me into this for a year or two) Me, “Yep. If you’ll teach me.” He yells back to another guy at the office, “She said YES!” And he then lets me go. Continue reading
The last few months have been full of many, many things. I’ve committed to my health and for the first time in years, followed through on working out. 7 lbs lost and I am feeling better than I have in a long time. I will be continuing “Me vs The Jiggles” while on vacation and plan to cross my half way point and be down 10 or more pounds by the time I return.
Many curve balls have been thrown in my personal life, but I’m still standing and laughing. What else can you do? Well, you can go on a vacation which just happens to involve visiting your sexy husband in Hawaii. That’ll make everything better!
A few weeks ago, the husband was talking about a work trip he had in Hawaii. He looked at me and said, “You should come, even if I have to work, you need a vacation.” I laughed at this idea. Me? Leave the kids? That’s what HE does, not me. I’m always home balancing my want to stay at home and my want to work and pursue dreams. I’m always busy, but I like it that way. My full life is rewarding, exhausting, and empowering. I love what I do. I didn’t think I *needed* a vacation. Funny, as a Mom you think of needs vs wants. I never once, in fourteen plus years ever considered *wanting* a vacation. Continue reading
Picture from: http://randijasmine.com
Thank you for writing this blog and sharing so much with the world. I wanted to ask, how do you fill the void when your husband is away? Thank you for your answer and time. Respectfully, “A Sub Wife”
Dear Sub Wife,
Thank you for the kind words and heartfelt question.
At first I thought since I am a Sub wife, this would be an easy one, yet I find myself a little too close to see the answers at times. This is a very broad question. There are so many “voids” when my husband is away. There is a void in my marriage, friendship, parenting, and family. In addition, my children have their own “voids” needing filled. I can give you the standard issue of “keep busy,” but that is a broad answer. Only a wife that has been there, done that, can truly explain what that “void” is. And even if you know what it is, most of us don’t know how to fill it. We just keep busy and try desperately to distract ourselves from the reality that it sucks. Don’t be misled by my statement. Staying busy is key, but it won’t fill the void. It fills your time. Continue reading
I’ve been getting a lot of duplicate questions by email, so I will start posting them (without the use of names/commands/etc) on my Facebook Page with my responses so others can have the answers too and chime in on advice! Just remember to read my “Disclaimer Page” where I make it very, very clear I am not a doctor and in no way is this site like WebMD. I will give you my best answer (not the standard military one) or point you in the direction of someone who can answer it. All questions welcome, only select ones will be posted on Facebook. And no, I do not know the Muffin Man.
This may work, or end badly. . .we shall see.
I’m still having trouble grasping that it’s now month 9 of 12. I took most of my summer off, and focused on my children, husband, and myself. It’s something I have never done before. And when I say never, I mean that I have never given up everything else. Normally, I have my hands in a number of things. I’ve always been very active in my community, I would spend time nurturing new friendships and usually had a few “projects” going on, along with my writing. I love being busy. Busy works for me. But, at the beginning of this year I felt like time was passing me by. My children are growing up and years are passing like calendar pages. I’ve thought this before, but this time I felt a pull at my heart. I found myself looking at things differently. It’s very hard to put into words, but it’s the same reason I put my business plans on hold until Shore Duty is over. I don’t want to be so busy that I miss out on the little things.
This last year I have felt very nostalgic. When I would see my children together laughing and sharing a “moment”, I felt like I was taking a mental snap shot. I just sat there, taking it all in. I’ve noticed more details in my life. And not just with myself, but with others. I’ve observed more. I think for many of us, we rush through our days. We are passengers and life is the ride. Sometimes we are too busy having fun or worrying what’s ahead. We are yelling, hands up in the air, flying full speed, and you forget what’s flying by you. I needed to get off the ride and take it all in. I needed to be able to see the faces around me.
So, I’m really sick. I even walked into a doorway this morning while getting the kids ready for school. I was so dizzy and disoriented. Not fun. The only thing that makes me feel better when I’m sick is homemade chicken noodle soup and my grandmother Marie’s patchwork quilt that she made for me when I was little. I’m very sentimental and feel better when under my quilt, sipping my soup. This quilt had made me feel better through all the hard times. I’ve snuggled under it when feeling blue and used it to keep the chills away when feeling ill. It’s gotten me through over 15 underways and deployments and countless ‘sick days’. Do you have something that makes you feel better? Recipe? Something special like my quilt? Hoping the healing powers of both the soup and quilt will shorten my sick days. I’m not good at sitting still or being sick.